I can’t believe my beautiful son David is 10 months (and 2 days.. yes I’m still counting!) old! I feel like he was born, I blinked, maternity leave ended and real life crept up without me having enough time to do everything I wanted to do! I had such grand plans, I would start my own business! I would lose weight and go for daily walks with my baby! I would have my house sparkling clean, a fabulous dinner would be on the table for my husband every day! Most importantly, I would breast feed my baby! Little did I know that the best made plans are often flawed, doomed to the reality of everyday life, to tiredness and to the rollercoaster ride that is Motherhood. It’s certainly been an adventure, and one which I’ve decided to share!
I’m writing this with one thumb on my phone key pad as I’m enjoying a post-work cuddle with David, who has melted away into the wonderful world of baby sleep. I love watching him sleep and often think of how beautiful and how perfect he is. Many times I say to my husband, ‘how did we create someone so beautiful?’, ‘how did you + me = him?’ I’m sure every new parent feels the same level of adoration and surely all parents look at their baby and wonder if they have ever seen anyone so beautiful. That feeling of love has intensified daily, and is completely unquantifiable; there is just no way to explain the depth of love we feel for him. All I can say is that if you ever doubt your importance in this world, I can personally guarantee you that you are loved beyond belief by your family. I understand that now that I am a parent, I know that this love I have will never fade and since David was born I’ve felt a real security in knowing that I too am loved like I love him.
Of course it’s not the case that I blinked and my maternity leave ended. I enjoyed a full 9 months and 3 weeks off, but, as many Mums feel, I struggled with the thought of going back to work. I actually wept with my husband, filled with guilt, anguish and despair at the thought or driving so far away from my beautiful boy each day. I felt like I was stuck on either side of a seesaw, one side weighing down on how amazing the firm I worked for was, the love I had for my colleagues, the enjoyment I got out of my work load and the other side of the seesaw worrying if his days would be filled with missing me and worried that I was a bad mum for craving a comfortable work routine. Thankfully things have worked out well. I’m in a new job, and my Mum is looking after David. I’m tired but really enjoying seeing my little bundle of beauty smiling and jumping around when he sees me at the end of the day!
So here I am pouring my heart out, my random thoughts and my love for my family, friends, travelling and every day life with the blogging world! I can’t wait to open up some more, I have so many embarrassing, memorable and hopefully helpful posts to share, but for the meantime I have a lovely son to cuddle so over and out for now, I don’t think this Mamabear could look anymore tired than she is right now!